The day I lost my life
by earanemith
Summary: ONE SHOT Ziva hates her brithday, but why? why does it seem as if she is falling apart? will Tony find out? Tiva-ish BTW, tell me if the rating is good


this was in my mind for a while ONE SHOT!

**it is now 1.41am so i am tired and have not checked it on spelling mistakes i'll do that tomorrow so don't review with you need a beta or anything. Working on that tomorrow. But i would like to know what you think of it.**

_this = _hebrew and memory only _this = _just memorie

_**this = **_the songs

* * *

It was the 10th of November for the most people a normal day, but for Ziva David it was the darkest day of the year.

As normally her alarm went of at 5am. She opened her eyes and looked around, knowing what day it was, not wanting to get up. As soon as her mind was woken enough memories floated though her head. She closed her eyes putting her hands on her face trying to make the memories go away. After half an hour she couldn't take it anymore, the silence that was not suppose to be. Still in her sweat pants and shirt she went to her living room. She fell her eyes fill with tears when she looked behind her at her bed. It shouldn't be this empty, she walked to the room next to her bedroom. She opened the door that had been closed for a year now.

There was not much in the room, there stood a little bed with a doll and a stuffed dog, there was a rocking chair in the corner by the window, it was a soft lavender colour. Next to it stood a low closet.

Ziva walked to the bed softly stroking the blanket and the dog. She went to the closet, on it was a picture. A woman she did not even knew anymore, a man with his arms around the woman and the little girl in her arms. They all had a smile on their face that reached their eyes. She pressed the button from the music player that was next to the photo. It began to play a soft sweet song, and the silence was taken a way, a little bit.

The song they danced on their first dance as husband a wife, and also when they had finally told each other that they were in love with one another.

She opened a drawer there lay a small blanket, it was a fainted pink colour, the bottom was slightly worn. She took the blanket out of the drawer and sat down on the chair.

The blanket to her nose, the smell was still there, though it had fainted with years. It all began with one single tear that rolled down her face.

* * *

"_silly ima, smeeka can not speak_" _a small girl giggled out._

* * *

Soon the tear was followed by more, and a soft smile from the thought was on her lips. Slowly she stood up and walked to her own room. When she was dressed she walked back. There was an other song playing right now. It was a cd he had made for her. All of there special songs.

Ziva grabbed smeeka again and moved slowly on the song

"_**just like the sun above**_

_**I'll come shining, though**_

_**Oh yes I'll**_

_**Keep on tryin', I'm **_

_**Tired of cryin'**_

_**I got to find a way**_

_**To get on home to you "**_

on this song they had danced when she find out she was pregnant and she had told him. Right before his two month mission. In which she had prayed everyday that he would come back. And he did, when he came back, even if he had a broken arm and bruised ribs they had danced on the song. Him singing the words softly in her ear

Tears kept falling down her face, in her pocket she fell her cell phone vibrate. Quick she swept the tears away and picked up, smeeka still in one hand.

"David"

"Ziva we have a case, be there in five to pick you up" Tony said thought the phone

"okay" and the line was broken.

Tony smiled at himself when he pressed the break of his car. He knew it was Ziva's birthday, he knew she did not want to celebrate it, but why he wondered. He hadn't gotten Ziva anything, but he had a special surprise for Ziva. He finally was able to find out from Abby that it was true that Ziva had danced as a little girl. He only hoped they had a late case or it wouldn't be easy.

In her hurry Ziva had put smeeka in her backpack, she just had drank her coffee when Tony arrived. When she got out the door and sat next to him he saw that her eyes were slightly red. He decided not to say anything about it.

When they came to the scene they did as Gibbs told them and soon they were on there way back to the bullpen. He noticed that Ziva was not totally there with her head. Halfway through the day Abby stormed in and almost knocked Ziva over.

When she sang happy birthday to Ziva Tony saw her face go pale, and her thoughts going to another place.

* * *

"_happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Ima happy birthday to you" her most precious people in the world sang her away. From Rachel came a girly sound mixed with his deep voice made a not to good but still heart filling sound for Ziva. _

* * *

Abby had given Ziva a photo from them together from when they went bowling. How Abby convinced Ziva to come Tony still did not know. Ziva opened her backpack after Abby left to put it in, when she saw the pink fabric her eyes changed again, in what Tony could not say, the only thing he saw was a quick pink flash before the back pack was closed again.

In there lunch break Tony got up and walked to Ziva's desk, she was just going to the deli to get sandwiches for them, so she would not know if he took a look. When he opened the bag he saw the pink fabric. He grabbed it and when he saw what it was he decided to have some fun. When Ziva came back she gave the sandwich to Tony and sat down. She grabbed her back, only to find the pink blanket not there. She looked around her, trying to figure out where it was, when Tony spoke up

"looking for this?" he had the blanket in his hand "I did not know our crazy ninja here slept still with a blanket"

In a second Ziva stood in front of him "give it back now" when he only smiled she grabbed the blanket "I said give it back. NOW" she said angrily, Tony let the blanket go fast.

"Ziva relax. I was just having some fun"

The rest of the day went by with Ziva not talking to Tony. She was not paying attention to her work. Her mind floated with memories.

* * *

"_I love you ima"_

"_I love you to sweetheart"_

"_do you not love me"_

_And I love you to" she said with a smirk, when his lips captured hers_

"_aba, eeew"_

"_ow so this is eeew" he said when he kissed her over and over again._

"_it's okay, when you come back tonight, when Rachel is asleep, I have a special surprise for you"_

_That night had never come._

* * *

A lone tear fell down her face, she did not even notice, but Tony did. As did Gibbs.

It was almost 12pm when Mcgee finally stood up, Gibbs had left an hour ago, and Tony could not wait until Mcgee left. He stopped by Ziva's desk.

"see, you guys tomorrow. O and Ziva happy birthday" she did not react she just stared in to nothing.

Tony left for a moment or two, trusting Ziva was still there when he'd come back. Everything was in place when he came back. He stood in front of Ziva.

"Ziva"

"what Tony?"

"come on, I have to show you something, and I won't take no for an answer"

Finally he had convinced her to come. They went to the roof of the building. It was a clear night. Tony had said candle's everywhere, so there was a soft light.

"Tony why have you"

"because it is your birthday, you did not think I forgot it, did you? Happy birthday"

For a short while they stood there looking at the stars.

Tony pressed a button and the music began playing. "may I have this dance?"

With hesitation Ziva stood there, the last time she had danced was with him.

"I know from Abby you can dance so that is no excuse" Tony said when he grabbed her arm and began to move them around.

He fell that Ziva did not really wanted to dance.

It was only when the voice started singing that Ziva knew the song. Their song.

"_**it was fascination, I know**_

_**And it might have ended, at the start**_

_**A passing glance, a brief romance**_

_**And I might have gone, on my way, empty-hearted, empty-hearted**_

_**It was fascination, I know**_

_**Seeing you under, the moonlight above, baby**_

_**And I touch your and, and I kiss you**_

_**And fascination, turned to love, baby"**_

Tears began streaming down Ziva's face when she pulled away from Tony.

"what is wrong?" Tony asked worried

"I just can not do it" Ziva said before turning around and running way. When Tony had put the candles out Ziva was long gone.

He was determent to find out what was wrong. When he arrived at her place he felt the door. It was open.

"Ziva, are you there?" he called her. No answer.

He walked through her apartment. Only to find cries coming from a room. He thought he had been in every room in Ziva's apartment but that door was always closed. He listened to the door before he opened it.

He saw Ziva holding the pink blanket as if it was her life, sitting in a rocking chair, tears streaming down her face. She did not look up when Tony walked in

"please go" she sobbed.

Tony looked around in the room, he was surprised to find the little bed. He knelt next to Ziva and put his hand on her knee

"Zee what is wrong? You can tell me. Is it because of what I did?" she shook her head "what is it than, the most people are happy on there birthday""

"happy why would I be happy today. Today was the day my whole life ended" she stopped for another round of tears. Tony could vaguely think why but he wanted to hear it from her.

"I can't follow Ziva, please tell me. I won't go"

She looked at him, seeing he meant it.

"seven years ago, was the last day of my other life. My life before NCIS was nothing like you think. Well it was partly, but. I should have been another day, with them, only I"

"Ziva who are them?"

"Tony I was married, and Daniel and I, we had the most wonderful little girl, Rachel"

"are they this?" Tony pointed at the picture Ziva nodded. He grabbed it and looked at it. He could see that Ziva was really happy back then she just lighted up.

"what happened? Did he leave you and took her?" Ziva shook her head.

"I whish that that had happened. They had woken me early and sang for me" a small smile on her face from the memory. "I got called in for work so I had to leave. We" a sob "we promised each other, that that night would be us alone when Rachel would be asleep. Only that night never came" sobbed racked though her body. Tony lowered her on the floor and hold her. But she pushed him away with a look Please-let-me-finish.

"I was just at work when I was called on my cell. I" she closed her eyes of the memory "I could hear her cry in the background. They said I needed to bring them money and Intel if I ever wanted to see them again. I went to my father. He tried his best, but the most he could do was find where they were. I went alone without backup. When I came there I saw them. My little girl, she was bleeding, Daniel had tears in his eyes"

*sob*

"I killed all of them, except for the leader. He had a gun to them, and said the Intel or he'll shoot them" sob "I did not dare to do a thing, I tried to convince him to take me and let them go. There came another man that grabbed me and took away my gun. Daniel was Mossad just like me so he took his change and attacked the leader. There were a few lose shot's I thought. In the mean while I took the guy that hold me, I got a hold of his gun and shot him. I saw Daniel fighting with the leader. I aimed and shot him, I did not know he just had his finger on the trigger"

Tears were falling down her face faster and faster.

"I thought I had him in time so I run to Rachel. She lay on the floor, a gun wound near her heart. I tried to stop the bleeding but I was to late. I saw her eyes go dead, and her grip on smeeka fell away"

Tony now understood why she was so protective of the blanket.

"Daniel, he lay a few feet away. I looked at him, and I saw he had blood al over him. I let Rachel go and went to him as fast as I could. The bullet had hit his lung. I begged him to stay with me, I could not lose him too. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me, and I did not say it back. My father arrived barley five minutes after they had both die. If I had waited longer he had brought backup. But it was to late. I lost my whole life that day. When I buried them, two days later, I found out I was pregnant again. I did not know what to do. I could not take it, it was finally two months later that it was to much. I drank until I could not see clear anymore. When I woke the next morning I knew I lost it, I lost everything"

It was only than that Tony fully understand why she hated her birthday, and when he understood her. He hold her close, only now she was letting him. He would be there for her forever he told himself.

"but why did you run away?" it could not remember her of that day could it.

"that song, was the song that was played when Daniel told me he loved me. And the song that we danced on when we got married. i was just the memory and"

"Shhhh, it's okay. I understand" Tony said when he hold her close "I promise you I will help you to be okay"

From in Tony's arms Ziva looked at the picture and she whispered through her tears.

"I love you"

* * *

**So who do you think Ziva said "i love you to"**

**to Tony or Daniel.**

**Songs: Keep on trying- poco**

** fascination - Kem**

**REVIEWWWWW!**


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